My Ramble

On dealing with pain…

Pain

Image courtesy of stockdevil at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It would start at around 10 in the morning daily with out fail, slowly increasing in intensity sometimes throbbing, sometimes like a burning sensation. For two hours it would ascend pushing me in to an abyss of loneliness which at times seemed unfathomable. During this time, not one but two strong pain killers would be needed to contain its venom. After two hours it would decrease albeit slowly in intensity, when finally diminishing after four or five hours. If an engineer were to describe the pain he would say the graph was bell shaped. The bell along the graph showing the intensity at different times. As time passed with no improvement in sight I became used to it, in fact I would look forward to it and when it would hit me, it was like meeting an old foe, but with a smile. It would challenge me to a duel, which I would accept but with a grudge, and the whole thing would start all over again. It had by then become a daily ritual for me. Pain was my regular unwanted companion, someone I disliked but had to bear. During the initial and final time when its intensity was low, it would seem like a friend, but with time it became ugly attempting to wallop me in its despicable grip. My life now centered around the pain. The pain became an inevitable part of my life. To me it seemed like something physical living inside my body, a manifestation of an ugly monster. I wanted to reach deep inside the folds of my skin and tear it out with my very hands, but alas that wasn’t possible. It went on till the doctors decided to use scalpels and all to tear it out, and they finally did got rid of it.

In dealing with it I came to know that the pain didn’t hurt me physically only, it began to damage me emotionally as well. In fact the emotional damage was more serious. But off course I braved it out. Pain taught me about myself, it told me about my limits, my strength and my weaknesses, it told me how to live in the worst of times, it taught me the meaning of “me”.

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