The Jingle in the Wingle

  If ever “they” decide to hold a competition for the slowest Internet device on Earth, I can swear upon my favorite pair of underwear its going to be none other than the PTCL Wingle! This thing promises to give you GBs of Data at a speed much higher than that of light. It promises to show you Smart TV on your mobile, Tab or PC. It promises to be flawless, in operation, low on budget, reliable, dependable and expressions of the type. Alas! the thing falls short on all accounts. I have had the very unfortunate experience of using it for some time and I am dismayed by its performance. To this day I have been thinking quietly and loudly, sleeping and awake, driving and walking, even while jogging and in the gym; why did they make this thing in the first place? And that what could one use it for after it is discontinued, or even replaced by a faster device, something like the Zong Wingle, for instance, that amazes me by its speed (over speeding) in downloads of up to 37 MBPs and uploads of up to 13 Mbps! Phew!!!

That they have the same size is of no consequence, they differ in performance by miles, something quite understandable to a technology buff of sorts like me, since LTE was primarily created for Data. But then, why did they (PTCL) promise, all that the little thingy doesn’t/didn’t/can’t/won’t do! So yes, I was talking about its utility after that its discarded now; I can’t/won’t make a necklace out of it, thing is it’s just to ugly for that. Can’t use it as a weapon, it’s too flimsy. Can’t even show off, it’s too darn ill-famed to show off! Damn it, can’t even gift or donate it. Shoot! won’t consider selling it even, coz I don’t want to be a victim of unheard expletives swung at my back in my absence. Heck! can’t even be donated, why oblige a poor guy only to get his wrath. It’s a thing lacking substance, no class either, too unattractive. I checked up but the guys at PTCL told me they don’t have a return policy, so can’t even return it. I considered flushing it away, drowning it under tons of crap, to be there amongst the stinky matter of its type but then feared landlord’s ire for it might clog the drains, ah! it might even kill them fat rats living in my sewer, that ultimately might cause an outbreak of rabies. I hate the thing so much, I can’t put it in my cupboard with the Zong Wingle, I fear it will try to clone the Zong Wingle and in effect kill its speed. Or worse still, I might one day pick it up and stick it in my PC without reading the Golden words written all over it, “PTCL Wingle”. What am I to do? I want to get rid of this stigma, it nauseates me the point of throwing up, too many times it has dropped its connections, in the middle of Whatsapp, Viber, Facebook, downloads, messenger and all. Can’t even throw it in the bin. I have therefore changed its SSID to “Free PTCL Wingle” and powered it up on the AC mains with an adapter off course. This thing remains powered up 24/7 showing a free WiFi access point courtesy PTCL, without giving any service to my neighborhood. That in fact is my way of exacting revenge from the giant, that’s my way of getting even, for months upon months of dis-service to me, for robbing me of my hard earned money. The Zong WIngle by the way is working great, see the Okla Speedtest screenshot and you’ll be amazed. Cheers!