The wily revenge

There are times in one’s life when you just can’t take it anymore. It can happen to anyone, anywhere, anytime. Down where I live the rules are made by my snuggler. The ones I make are but ignored, made to be broken and disregarded. Its that simple. Try as I may, no amount of lamentations, remonstrations or protests work. Let me un-complicate it further. I can’t even choose to keep my belongings where I want them to be. Because if I do, they normally disappear resulting in my acting like Sherlock Holmes looking for them in every nook and corner, without much luck.

I place my book on the side table, go to the wash room by the time I am back its gone! I try the drawers, no; it isn’t there. I look in the cupboard, nope; the book shelf, nah, it is as it was a week back. No trace of the book. Oh, I guess the writing table, no; the drawers, no. Finally I give up and call the snuggler. She smiles and says oh I put it under your pillow. Sigh! under the pillow? Honey the last time it was found in the cupboard, why under the pillow this time? Well, so you can read it before going to bed, replies she. Big sigh!

Next I can’t find my sports wear. I need to go for a jog and just can’t find it. I distinctly remember hanging it in the cupboard. I try the bathroom, no not there; the rack, nope; the drawers in the cupboard, nope not there either. Flustered, I call the snuggler. She beams a smile and says oh, I washed them and now they are in the small store room!

That small little USB for my Internet access which I placed in my shirt pocket is missing now. I look for it everywhere except where she put it. I try the usual cupboard, drawers, study table, desk, side tables. Perturbed! I call snuggler, the lady beams a smile again a unzips the laptop bag. There from its n’th folds she takes out the little dongle. Now how was I supposed to know where she placed it? I protest. She replies, well I thought you would loose it so I put it in the folds of your lappy.

So now you guys understand my predicament well! And this has been happening since last 18 years! Imagine my condition, ladies and gentlemen under the present circumstances I am the aggrieved party. Lend me your ears, I need support. PLEASE! HELP! Somebody help me!

I plan to exact revenge, and by God I do. Snuggler was out for a walk. I sneaked in to the room, first off the perfume bottle was taken out of the dressing table and placed in the cupboard with the undergarments. My alibi, the undergarments will smell better! Hah! Now I am getting even. Revenge of the hubby.

Next I take out the cellphone, which by the way is used for surfing the net, Facebooking and texting jokes to friends. It is deftly put to silent with one swift move and placed in the drawer in the children’s study table. Hah! Touche!

Driving the last nail in the coffin, I pick up a few lipsticks and put them in the cupboard along with in shaving box. Now we are even. Content with the happenings, I make myself a cup of tea and wait for “battleaxe” to arrive.

And arrive she does. The whole house is put to a standstill looking for her cellphone. Me? I am enjoying music on the daughter’s iPod, totally oblivious to the happenings around me. But off course with an eye on her plight. 15 minutes in to her quandary and she turns up to me asking if I have seen her mobile-phone? Me? well yes, I think it was somewhere in the kids study table. The poor kids get to face the fire. Lol

Next day, we are going out. She can’t find her lipsticks and perfume. The whole house is turned upside down. There is enough rumpus, howling and rowdyism at the end. By some chance she finds the perfumes laying in the folds of those undergarments, as if in deep sleep. I wonder what they would have talked about had they been alive. Lol. And to make matters worse the lipsticks are found in my shaving box. Damn! I see “battleaxe” walking up to me. I pull the newspaper over my face. She asks why I did it? With a straight face I plead ignorance. She presses on, I acquiesce. But WHY!!! That’s when I explain, it’s a revenge thing. Now we are even. The wily revenge is over.

She frowns, frets and stops short of swearing. I try the evasive maneuver. It works, surprisingly. It is victory for both, she having found her stuff and me exacting the revenge. Life goes on.

Three days after that I come form my jog. Man I can’t find my wristwatch. Rumpus follows, snuggler walks in, deftly pulls it out of my shaving box. We exchange mean looks and break in to fits of uncontrollable laughter.

Inspired by true events….